


Love was made to forget it (I carved your name across my eyelids)

by Aria_Masterson1153



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Mental Breakdown
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-23
Updated: 2014-03-23
Packaged: 2018-01-16 16:54:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1354756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aria_Masterson1153/pseuds/Aria_Masterson1153
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><br/>“Hey, asshole, where are you? If you’re getting those stupid donuts again, don’t forget that’s an extra hour in the gym today. But, uh, if you’re there, can you get me one too? Y’know, the one with the pink and purple sprinkles, with the jam? Text me when you get this, love you.” After which he promptly smacks himself in the forehead, knowing that he just displayed weakness in asking Kaner for a donut. That’s not even close to being included in their diet-plan. Kaner’s never going to let him forget this.</p><p>(<i>Or,</i> the one where Jonny doesn’t know where Kaner is, and enlists the help of Sharpy.)<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	Love was made to forget it (I carved your name across my eyelids)

**Author's Note:**

>   
>  So excited to finish my first venture into Hockey RPF. Hope you guys like it!
> 
> Title is from 'Crown of Love' by Arcade Fire, which is an amazing song, give it a listen!  
>    
>  **Additional warnings at the end!**  
> 

  
Jonny wakes up, fisting his sheets while arching his back, feeling the satisfying pop of his stiff joints. He rolls to his side to kick Kaner in the back of the legs while muttering “get up, asshole.” He reaches for Kaner on his side of the bed; it’s cold, but he can still detect the spicy scent of Kaner’s Burberry Touch cologne.

“Kaner?” Jonny calls out while sitting up, thinking that Kaner was using the washroom, or was in the living room, catching the highlights of last night’s game against the Colorado Avalanche.

“Pat? Baby, where are you?” Jonny said, twisting the plain silver band on his left ring finger, a streak of curiosity edging into his sleep-ridden voice.

He picked up his phone, scrolling through until he found the contact ‘PKane in the Membrane,’ a stupid joke Pat thought out when they were rookies. As a result of Pat’s embarrassment each time Jonny brought up the contact name, he hadn’t changed it since. As the number began to dial, Jonny felt his lip quirk at the memory of Kaner as a rookie, all crazy hair and wide, earnest blue eyes.

(Patrick Sharp was sitting down for lunch with his family when he felt Kaner’s phone begin to buzz, and he excused himself from the table with a sigh, checking to see that the contact was ‘Oh captain, my captain.’ Sharpy heaved a long exhale, pocketed the phone, and sat back down with his family, letting the call go straight to voicemail.)

Jonny was a bit surprised that the call went straight to voicemail, seeing as he usually had to pry Kaner away from his phone with either the promise of food or sex.

“Hey, asshole, where are you? If you’re getting those stupid donuts again, don’t forget that’s an extra hour in the gym today. But, uh, if you’re there, can you get me one too? Y’know, the one with the pink and purple sprinkles, with the jam? Text me when you get this, love you.” After which he promptly smacks himself in the forehead, knowing that he just displayed his weakness in asking Kaner for a donut. That’s not even close to being included in their diet-plan. Kaner’s never going to let him forget this.

(Sharpy waited for the _1 new voicemail_ notification to pop up on the home screen of Kaner’s iPhone, listened to the voicemail and then promptly deleted it.)

Jonny frowned, anticipating Kaner’s call a few seconds after he hung up the phone, because Kaner was nothing if not glued to his phone. He pushed himself off the bed and poured some cereal into a bowl for breakfast while he waited for Kaner. He decided to call Sharpy, to see if he had any plans.

“Ah, Toes! To what do I owe the pleasure?” Sharpy chirped as a greeting.

“Ugh, I hate you so much,” Sharpy laughed, knowing that there was no malice behind the statement. “I was wondering if you knew where Kaner was, I woke up this morning and he wasn’t in bed.” Jonny questioned, thinking that Kaner may have been over playing with the girls, to give Abby and Sharpy a bit of a break.

”You don’t remember?” Sharpy inquired. “He’s out with Jessica and Erica, I think, I remember him saying something about Jackie not coming down because of a basketball tournament.”

Huh. Jonny doesn’t remember Pat saying anything about that, but he does tune out half of the senseless babbling Kaner subjects him to, so. There’s that.

Sharpy must sense Jonny’s guilt, because he starts laughing. “Tuned him out again, eh? Well, he should be back late tonight anyways. What are you up to right now?”

“Just having some breakfast...uh, lunch I guess,” he says as he checks the time on the clock mounted above the fridge. “Do you want to come over and play some video games or something?” Jonny questions, wondering when his life has become so pathetic that he has to ask Sharpy to come over.

Sharpy must be thinking the same thing, because he says: “Are you that stumped for company?” smug as ever, “I’ll be over in 30 minutes, set up the PS3, I’ll bring NHL 13.” He hangs up as Jonny begins to protest his game of choice.

When Sharpy arrives, he barges through the front door seemingly with his own key, which, no. Sharpy should never be allowed to have that kind of authority regarding anyone’s property. Jonny is going to majorly kick Kaner’s ass.

“Toes, my man! Where are you?” Sharpy shouted as he shut the front door.

“In the living room!” Jonny replied, as he set up the main menu for NHL 13.

Three hours later, they had demolished any last remnants of Kaner and Jonny’s junk food stash (which consisted of kashi granola bars, sunflower seeds, and a box of graham crackers that Jonny had “no idea” how they got there, but immediately blamed on Kaner.

After 6pm, Sharpy noticed that Jonny kept checking his phone every few minutes. “What are you waiting on?” Sharpy questioned, after the 25th time Jonny had checked his phone.

“I’m waiting for Kaner to call me back. I called him a few hours ago, but he hasn’t called me back. I guess he’s just busy at the moment.” Jonny shrugged nonchalantly, but Sharpy could easily detect the worry etched into his attempted “blank” face.

“Aww, you worried that Pat’s having more fun with his sisters than you?” Sharpy teased, and then his face turned serious. “I’m sure that he’s out having a good time. He’ll be back tonight for sure, just let him have a good time with his sisters, you know that he doesn’t get to see them that often.”

“Of course, but you know him. You leave him out too long, lord knows what he’s getting himself into.” Jon had more than enough experience in knowing that Kaner could make any situation exciting and crazy, and he did not need many resources to do so.

“Yeah for sure,” Sharpy sighed with something akin to nostalgia, but was snapped out of it when his phone began to beep. He checked it, and looked up at Jonny with a sheepish glance. “Sorry Jonny, but I’ve got to head out, Abby just texted me saying that she’s about to put the girls down. You know how they can’t sleep if I’m not there too,” he said apologetically.

“No problem Sharpy, thanks for coming over anyway. Do you want me to walk you out?” Jonny said, pushing himself up off of the couch.

“No that’s fine,” Sharpy said with an easy smile. “You should head to bed soon as well, and don’t forget to take your vitamins!” Sharpy teased with a chuckle.

“Fuck off, they keep me healthy, unlike you... _you fatty_ ,” Jonny muttered, realizing just how stupid that sounded.

“Don’t forget, two capsules of Vitamin A and one capsule of Vitamin D!” Sharpy sing-songed, as he left.

He _did_ feel a bit tired, so he dressed down to his boxer briefs, brushed his teeth, and reluctantly took his vitamins, because _fuck you, Sharpy,_ they kept him healthy and that’s all that mattered.

As he was lying in bed, his phone buzzed and he practically jumped for it. He checked the sender of the unread text message, and felt his insides bloom with relief when he saw it was Patrick. He read over the message:

_Hey babe, sorry I couldn’t get back you. I was out with Jess and Erica today, and they practically cleaned out my bank account, how is it possible for one dress to cost $2,300? I just checked the voicemail, and sorry to disappoint, but I didn’t end up getting any donuts. ;) I might pick some up tomorrow though, so extra gym time all around tomorrow! We’re going to head out for a late dinner right now, so don’t wait up for me! Night babe, I love you. –Pat_ 


Jonathan smiled, god, Kaner was so good to his sisters. He quickly typed out his reply:

_No problem, I’m just glad to know that everything’s okay, I was a bit worried this morning. I mean, I called Sharpy to come over, for god’s sake! Okay have fun, make sure to tell them I say hi! I love you too, and come home soon, I miss you. -Jon_ 


Jonny felt a wave of fatigue pass over him, and he pressed himself further into the pillows, falling asleep while looking at Pat’s empty pillow.

(Sharpy read Jon’s response, and felt himself become laden with sadness. He missed Kaner too. Damn, did he ever miss him.

He pocketed Kaner’s phone, and pushed himself off Jon’s door, nearly walking into Jonny’s nurse.

“Hey Bernadette,” he smiled, trying to erase the sorrow previously present on his face.

“Hey honey, how is he today?” She questioned, sympathy showing in her aged, kind face.

“He’s okay, he took his pills, should be knocked out right now.” Sharpy said wistfully, knowing that Jonny took his “vitamins.”

“So, today’s the anniversary of his death, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. Four years ago today.” Four years ago Pat died of stage 3 stomach cancer. Three and a half years since Jonny snapped, leaving no trace of his level-headed captain behaviour. Two years since Sharpy began this routine.

“Poor kid. He just turned into himself, reverted back to a happy state of mind, and kept replaying it.” Bernadette replied with a downtrodden expression.

“Yeah, well at least in this state he feels no pain, and doesn’t know of the pain he was previously experiencing.” Jonny was in a horrible state of mind, and was suicidal. Any kind of routine that prevented that kind of pain was highly regarded in Sharpy’s mind.

At that, he left to go home. He tucked in his girls with his wife, and could only think that Kaner and Jonny could’ve had this one day, but Pat was ripped from the world far too soon.

Sharpy returned early the next morning, equipped with his duffel bag. He waved good morning to Bernadette, and quietly opened the door to Jonny’s room. First, he replaced the empty box of graham crackers in the recycling bag with a brand new box in the cabinet, and then he went to Jonny’s bed.

Jonny was sleeping peacefully, and for a second, Sharpy imagined that Pat was still alive, and that Jon’s mental breakdown had never happened. That he was still playing for the ‘hawks, working toward their third Stanley Cup with their exuberant, winger -Jon’s _husband_ \- right alongside them. But, things don’t always work out the way everyone plans.

Sharpy picked up the pillow on Pat’s side of the bed, and misted it with one of the bottles of Burberry Touch cologne he had in bulk back at his house. He shook the pillow a bit to waft the scent, and placed it back on the bed. Subconsciously, Jonny turned to the pillow, out of habit more than anything. He was still fast asleep, and it made Sharpy’s heart break to even guess what was going through Jonny’s head.

He put the cologne back in his duffel, and walked over to Jonny’s phone. He unlocked the iPhone, knowing the password was _1988,_ and going directly to his texts. He pulled up the conversation between Kaner and Jonny, and deleted the two texts sent that day, so the last text sent to Kaner on Jonny’s phone was two days before Kaner’s unexpected death. He also changed the date on the phone back one day, the same day of the last sent text. He turned off the phone and placed it back on the same location on the bedside table.

He looked back down at Jonny’s sleeping face, and whispered: “good night buddy, I’ll see you in a bit.”

He silently closed the door behind him, and saw Bernadette.

“I just updated everything, he should be waking up in a few hours, so I’ll be back in a bit.” Sharpy whispered, as he walked down the hallway.

She sighed. “Don’t you ever get sick of doing this, day in, day out?” She questioned earnestly.

“Never,” Sharpy confidently replied. “He was my captain, he took care of us when we were feeling insecure in our playing abilities, he led us to two Stanley Cups, which is something that I, as the new captain, could never imagine doing. But most of all, he was an amazing husband. He loved Pat so much, and Pat’s death completely broke him. He needs us to take care of him now, and we will always be there for him, because he was always there for us.” Sharpy forced out, trying to squint back the tears budding at the corners of his eyes.

Bernadette nodded solemnly, and they both began to walk down the hallway toward the elevator. He followed the corridors, and walked out the main lobby of the _Jackson Park Mental Institution,_ where Jonny has been living for the past three years following his breakdown. The first year at the Institution was horrible, Jon was merely an empty shell of himself and no medication would help him. One day, he woke up, and called Kaner’s phone, reverted back to a time when Kaner was still alive, and the rest is history.

Sharpy sat down with his family for breakfast, after updating Abby on Jonny’s well-being. He begins to butter some toast when he feels his right pocket begin to buzz; the pocket he always put Pat’s phone in. He continued to pay Kaner’s phone bill after he passed away, at first so Jonny could have some part of Pat with him, even if it was a recording of his voice. He feels the phone continue to buzz, but he will let it go to voicemail, like he always will, and he will listen to that voicemail, as he always does. This is part of his life now, this routine, as it has been for the past two years.

He feels his left pocket begin to buzz, and he thinks _this is it, it’s showtime._ He plasters a smile on his face and picks up the phone, saying: “Ah, Toes! To what do I owe the pleasure?”)

_fin_  


**Author's Note:**

>   
>  **WARNINGS:** There is a major character death in the story; however, it is not described other than the cause of death. It is only mentioned. Also, there are mentions of a mental breakdown, mental illness, and mental institutions. Seeing as the piece is so short, I don't think that it'll be too bad, but just in case the stuff mentioned above is a bit close to home!
> 
> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! Constructive criticism is MUCH appreciated!!
> 
> -Aria  
> 


End file.
